Mommy in the Tank: Part One

What if I told you there was a perfect mother who could reveal her secrets to you? The avatar, the archetype, the icon of motherhood.  What if you could have an epiphany equivalent to Dorothy lifting the curtain in Oz or Luke Skywalker discovering Darth Vader’s true identity?  What would you do?  Imagine for a moment that you could arrange a covert meeting with this mother… 

In the dim blue light of the Observation Room, you look around the deserted space and wonder where you are.  You hear a bubbling noise, and your eyes dart toward the huge tank that forms one wall of the room.  Nervously, you sneak over to the tank and peer inside.  Aside from the glowing blue water, you see nothing. 

Turning away from the tank, you peer through the dark, hoping to catch a glimpse of your informant before she finds you first.  The tank gurgles, and you shiver as you realize someone is watching you.  You turn toward the eerie blue light and stare directly into the eyes of the creature that was waiting for you.  Your own scream is the last sound you hear before you hit the floor. 

Let me guess – you were expecting a woman?  No, the icon of motherhood is a certain cephalopod we know as THE OCTOPUS!  This unusual fact may be difficult to digest at first, but experience will bring you to the same conclusion. 

I am a mother with three kids and only two hands.  I never liked math much in school, but I learned enough to recognize that this is some sort of mathematical improbability.  After my first baby was born, I soon realized that two hands were not going to be enough.  I started suffering from Octopus Envy, an embarrassing but common motherhood disease. Ogden Nash, the American poet, wrote: 

Tell me, O Octopus, I begs

Is those things arms, or is they legs?

I marvel at thee, Octopus;

If I were thou, I’d call me Us. 

What do you think Mr. Nash was trying to communicate, besides his obvious disdain for traditional grammar? Maybe a visual aid would help.

Study the female octopus, and you will see why she is the consummate mother. With eight “arms” attached to her head, this intelligent creature brings new meaning to the term “multi-tasking.” What mother would not want to be equipped with jet-propulsion speed, stealth capabilities, and of course, additional appendages? 

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One response to “Mommy in the Tank: Part One

  1. 🙂 Love it! Love you!

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